Fighting the Fat Kid Within began while I was in the best shape of my life. As thin and fit as I might get I am always going to have a fat kid in my head that wants sweets. Thing is, it is SO much easier to talk about wanting junk food when you’re at your best. The past 2-3 years I have lacked the courage to continue writing as I slumped into yet another low. So it would seem that this Fat Kid Within has reared her ugly head again and taken over, right? Well the beautiful thing is that we can always turn it around.
Three years ago we suffered a shocking loss of a family member. In the months to follow we had legal/family drama to deal with and fitness took the back burner. As we began to return to our routine I decided on a career change and I also welcomed a gorgeous off track thoroughbred into my life. He is my first horse after 26 years of being in love with horses. Then it all unraveled.
My new job? I was a city carrier assistant with the United States Postal Service. I was given ZERO benefits and I was expected to basically be available 24/7 to these people. I had to cover days off, sick days, vacations. At one point I worked 27 days straight sometimes up to 12 hours a day. All while getting no time off of my own, no 401k, no health benefits. I just lost an uncle and I was approached with “We need you to understand that uncles are not acknowledged so no matter what you need to be at work.” As a CCA I didn’t get bereavement anyway but it was astounding how truly heartless management was. Nobody can truly understand the pressures of being a mailperson until they actually do it, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Management plays head games and in some offices are straight up abusive. I was exhausted working so many days in a row in all weather that I just gave up my diet and exercise altogether.
My new horse? Sure he was free but any good horseman knows getting the horse is the cheapest part of horse ownership. Within 3 days of Blade being home he had an abscess on his hoof. He was underweight, had a colic episode in the first 2 months, and he had ulcers. BAD ulcers. In addition to my new job I was putting my horse before myself. I put weight on him and did extensive research to optimize his nutrition. Within 3 months he was looking amazing. We moved farms and in January the next year he fell on ice and was stall-bound for 2-3 months healing.Since we got him back to health I’ve been working with my trainer. The work has been paying off.
For almost 2 years I’ve neglected myself. Other people, animals, and things have come first and I lost my will to fight the fat kid. As I fell farther off board I became depressed and I simply gave up.
I just left my postal service job; accepting a job with benefits and days off. I am looking forward to it and have a few weeks before I start. I will have a regular schedule and my horse is no longer in need of intense attention. I am finally feeling the wind back in my sails. It will be another long journey but I’m ready.
Are you ready?